You think you may have found the one—that special someone who makes you feel warm and tingly inside. You share so many hopes and dreams. It feels so comfortable being together. You have so much in common … except religion. And without that common bond, many questions arise. How important is it to you that your partner shares the same faith? How will your families react? Will you celebrate each other’s holy days and attend the same spiritual events? If you have children, in which religion will they be raised?

If there’s one thing you absolutely must have in order to make an interfaith relationship last, it’s an open mind. But there are many other factors in making one of these unique relationships work. Rev. Christine Brownlie, minister of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Blacksburg, has seen couples of different faiths come to services in her church, many with similar challenges to work through.

According to Brownlie, couples sometimes go into a marriage with a sense that the faith of their childhood is no longer meaningful to them. They become casual Christians, Jews, Hindus, or Muslims. They may be fond of certain holidays but the core beliefs of the faith and the practices that the faith encourages aren’t something they hold onto. The interfaith couples find out that within the first year or two of marriage that each partner feels a need to bring something of their own background or identity into the marriage and their home.

This could cause a problem if one partner doesn’t agree or finds the practice to be unnecessary or strange. For example, someone of the Jewish faith might be just fine with a Christmas tree, but not with a nativity scene depicting the story of Jesus’ birth. Or a Christian might find the custom of a bris, the ritual circumcision of a boy, to be upsetting.

If a religion encourages specific roles or behaviors or practices for a husband or wife, the non-believing partner may not want to comply. Brownlie relayed the story of a woman who became engaged to a Mennonite man and was shocked when he presented her with a white cap that he expected her to wear from then on. Both the cap and the ring promptly were returned that night.

Another issue that comes up in an interfaith relationship is respect and being considerate of the faith and beliefs of the other person. For many people in America, or a region such as the New River Valley, the core beliefs of some faiths seem odd or even ridiculous and vice versa. The many gods and goddesses of Hinduism with their unusual appearance are incomprehensible to many Americans, yet they are quite natural to one who has grown up in the Hindu faith.

Things can get even more complicated if the parents of the couple are serious about their faith. And all of this becomes even more difficult when the couple has children. For many believers, faith becomes particularly important in times of crisis such as serious illness, death, or the birth of a child with physical handicaps.

“I encourage interfaith couples to be open and honest about their religious beliefs and the place these beliefs and practices have in their lives,” Brownlie said. “Who would they want to come to the hospital if there were an emergency or if a baby was stillborn? It can help to study and discuss each other’s faith, but only if debate and derision are banished. ‘I can’t believe you really believe that!’ is not helpful.” Brownlie went on to say that the parents and other family members must also be willing to accept the faith and practices of the new family member, whether it’s the bride or the groom. “And if the couple has children, they will need to discuss how they will handle the children’s religious education before the children are born if not before they are conceived. I would want to see whole-hearted agreement and not an uneasy compromise on these issues or they will come up again and again,” Brownlie said.

Honesty, good communication, and true respect for the differences in each other’s religions are essential for an interfaith relationship to work, and it can take time and effort for interfaith couples to get to that point. “While every religion is unique, all religions share core values and one of these values is to treat others as you yourself would be treated,” Brownlie said. “I think that this is a good basic guideline for every relationship, but especially helpful to the creation of a strong and happy marriage.”

Rick Robers, Radford University’s previous Catholic campus minister said he hadn’t seen many interfaith relationships in the area, but when he did it was usually a couple where one partner was Catholic and the other was some variety of Protestant. As far as problems in that kind of relationship goes, Robers said, “It really depends on where the couples are on their spiritual paths that gauges what problems the relationship might have in the present and in the future.”

One dilemma of which Robers was aware is the decision on how they were going to spend their Sunday mornings. “That’s just one thing the couples would have to do to compromise. Different churches offer different services at different times. You could go to two services a weekend,” Robers said.

In order to make any relationship work in this day and age, there has to be compromise. If you happen to fall in love with someone who is different from you and your family, or who has different beliefs or comes from a different background, you have to make sure you’re able to make a few more compromises than the average couple, but it can definitely be done. You have to decide, however, whether the compromises and consequences of an interfaith commitment are worth it to you. You have to decide upon your own priorities. If you think that special someone is worth all the obstacles that surely lie in front of you, then go forward with the relationship, knowing that compromise and an open mind will be your constant companions.

Meghan George is an intern for the New River Voice and a current Media Studies student at Radford University.