You’ve probably been wondering what is up with this new teen vampire flick. Is it just another High School Musical or is there more to it than the hype? This review is for you, my friend. Here are the top 5 things you should know about the film Twilight.

5. It’s based on the bestselling young adult novel by Stephenie Meyer. Meyer makes a brief cameo as a diner customer in the film–and yes it’s true, she is Mormon. But that doesn’t seem to make a difference to the thousands of rabid tweens and teens lining up at Hot Topic stores across the U.S. to meet Rob Pattinson, who plays the role of Edward, the heartthrob vampire. As of this writing, the film has already brought in $70.6 million at the box office and it’s been announced that it will be followed by the sequel New Moon.

4. There weren’t as many screaming “fangirls” as you’d expect at the movieplex, at least not at the screening we attended, which was at 6:15 p.m. on the Saturday it opened. We saw a couple groups of girls, some with their parents, a couple of dates, and no fewer than two groups of three teenage boys together. Even I can’t figure that out. Maybe they’re the sensitive type, or rather like the guys who went to Lilith Fair thinking it would make them look sensitive. At any rate, there was a “tee-hee” and an “awww” here or there, but nothing too distracting.

3. You won’t see any fangs–except for the lead vampire’s actual incisors, which are naturally quite pointy. It’s not completely without violence, however. A few people do get killed–two disposable characters who weren’t in the book and a bad vampire–but the violence is very implied. Actually it’s rather baffling why it’s rated PG-13 …

2. There’s a lot of cheesiness. No way around it, this is a teen movie. While the Romeo and Juliet theme is timeless, there’s a lot of high school melodrama (who asked who to the prom), plenty of bad acting (see Bella stuttering through the hospital scene), vampires wearing baseball uniforms, and a little bit of technology thrown in for good measure (Googling for vampire lore, Mom’s texting, etc). I still argue there’s enough seriousness going on to make this a decent film.

1. There’s no sex. Although we all know that Hollywood has turned vampires into erotic creatures (see Interview with a Vampire or The Hunger) Twilight is less a vampire movie than a relationship movie. The male lead is really just another unavailable bad boy. The film essentially boils down to pure teenage angst in the form of desire and obsession. Some critics have even said it’s like watching a Latter Day Saints after-school special promoting abstinence. Which is fine in theory, but my guess is that in reality our young female viewers will have their hormones whipped into such a frenzy by the film and will give in to their “thirst” as often or more than they did before.

Taryn Chase has embraced her inner tween and is halfway through New Moon even though she bought it yesterday.