Like the end results of an especially horrific bout of diarrhea, a dead relationship should be flushed down the pipes, and life resumed.

Some people, though, don’t care to flush the remains of their heart food. They want to stare at it. They pretend it’s just as it was before it passed through the digestive track and broke the surface of the toilet bowl pool. These people, these lovers of refuse, are the common cause of some really crappy situations.

I remember watching A Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story in high school Health class. Heckling made-for-TV movies from the ’80s is one of my favorite pastimes, and although the film’s acting fit the bill for a top-notch hecklefest (much to my health teacher’s chagrin), the ending left me flabbergasted. At the end of the film, Thurman’s estranged husband stabs her repeatedly and jumps on her head, outside and in broad daylight. It left a bit of an impression.

Not long ago, I was involved in an encounter with my girlfriend’s hostile ex. This gent didn’t do any stabbing, but he did throw around some serious threats. An already despicable character by reputation alone (i.e., currents and exes don’t mesh), the insidious ex threatened physical harm to both me and my magically delicious lover—and made good on a bit of it, too.

I’d prefer this incident fade and obscure into the fog of past like the opening theme to Mama’s Family; I’ll delve into it not one more syllable. Knowing that someone you care about is in harm’s way is worlds worse than any pain caused by the warble of ’80s sitcom themes (Small Wonder included).

This happens all the time. Tracey Thurman got a terrible case of it, but most everyone has experienced or knows numerous people who have experienced the awesome wrath of an angry ex. It’s scary business. I’ve been a wronged lover before, and it’s easy to make bad decisions when you’re hurtin’ in the aortic region. Bad decisions are one thing, but violent threats are another.

The ubiquity of volatile exes suggests there’s a common, underlying factor separating normal wonky ex behavior from the psychotic rage of the lovelorn. My guess is, the factor at fault is the almighty ego. Narcissists and ego-fiends seem to be the most common to jump from baseline rationale to making an appearance on America’s Most Wanted. I suppose that, while it’s easy for anyone to feel like a victim when they’ve been rejected, pity parties come easy to those who find difficulty emerging from their own limited human perspective.

In my ignorant youth, I made the whiny late night phone calls and, dare I say it, cried like an oft-spanked babe. I can empathize with heartbreak, but I can’t accept it. It’s the kind of mindset that justifies threats, stalking, and the inspiration behind many a made-for-TV movie.

We don’t like losing things we care about. But we’re also adverse to change. Sometimes, the wonderful things we care about stop being so wonderful, and we have to accept the fact that the love is gone and all there is left is waste—or, if you’d prefer a Gothic-romantic twist, a stinky sepulcher by the toilet’s yellow sea.

Charles Smith is a native of Southwest Virginia who knows a thing or two about heartbreak … and stalking. Not necessarily in that order.